Fog rolls in on hoar-gray wings, 'Til the night is filled with nameless things, That night in all its' stillness snares, And cloaks the hurts that can't be shared. Beneath these low-clouds dance the fiends, Who act the parts in people's dreams. Though bound they are, and rightly so, With morning's light they all will go. As if my life were barren plain, With not a whit of interest deigned, By fiendish actors of the night, Who disappear by morning light. For when, alone, I lay asleep, There are no dreams, my soul to keep. photo © 1980, TJL

Somewhere in the Night    (©TJL, 10/4/96)

At times I see me gazing, through a portal looking in...
As neither lover, sage, nor poet, nor lowly harlequin...
I hear your life unfolding, and see the beauty there...
But still I stand outside your realm, in limbo, and despair.

Although I think I understand, this season of soul's pain...
I writhe in silent agony, from some sense of disdain...
And though I cannot pinpoint, the reason for these thoughts...
I fear I overstep my bounds, and be where I should not.

The thinking and the searching, through all I've ever been...
And all I'd ever hoped to be; a man among strong men...
But now I land upon my knees, in deepest, darkest mood...
Where many there have gone before, with heart of hollow wood.

The rest I seek escapes me, the dreams I dream are spent...
The gloom of night endrapes me, for all I am is bent...
On reaching what I cannot reach; what lies beyond my grasp.
Oh, such a thing as I've become; a flake of tender ash.

The fire burns so brightly, for being laden so...
With being taken lightly, and laid to ground so low.
My spirit reels with glancing blows, and feigns to rise above...
The barriers of distance, thought bridged by purest love.

I cannot help but wonder, if somewhere in this night...
Is the woman thinking of me, or hiding from my sight?
Does her love burn as fiercely, as that which smolders here...
Where man is lain to barren ground, alone, to shed his tears?

Does She Hear Me?... © TJL, 2/1/96

Onyx descends, draping diamonds all around me,
Pouring blackness from a cloudless sky; the clarity astounds me!
I focus on each point of light and wonder, quite aloud,
"Are the diamonds there to shed their light, or burn away the shroud?"

I huddle closer to myself, and whisper on the wind,
In hopes that I might reach the one who'll make my life begin,
But as the words are uttered, they fall dead upon the ground,
As though my cries were never meant to make the slightest sound.

I long to have the daylight come and burn away the shiver,
That can't be vanished by the strip of moonlight's crescent sliver.
Would I were able only once, to pierce the screaming quiet,
To get my heart to let me feel, my mind to not decry it.

Yet, here I sit, enveloped by the silence of the darkness,
Unable now for far too long to shed my lonely harness.
Perhaps some day she'll come to me, and end my plaintive sighing,
And keep alive my hopes of love, and soul so near to dying.

So, thus each night I find myself, this horrid vigil keeping,
Wishing that 'twere two as one, and one of us was sleeping.

 

---

 

Finally  © TJL, 9/98

I've always come up empty, in matters of the heart;
Although I tried, each time it's died; at least a little part.
My best was never good enough; for in the end I lost.
I paid the price for being nice, my own good name the cost.

It seems my choices turned up wrong, & in the final count
I'd tolerated far too long and then my luck ran out.
The footprints placed upon my back took their toll in pride.
They ground my spirit 'til it cracked, broke open then, and died.

It didn't happen all at once; I lost the want to try.
Where once my feelings sprouted wings, they now refused to fly.
Instead of soaring high above, my heart was brought to ground;
Trampled by uncaring feet, then left without a sound.

When all, I thought, was lost and my mind could not erase
The pain and heartache etched within the lines upon my face,
I came upon the gentlest spirit, flowing just for me,
With only thoughts of merging fates and new-formed destiny.

---

 

*Music sequenced by modin@lysator.liu.se, no copyright info available.